Moving abroad

As my husband had a job with an international company, there was always a strong possibility that the chance to move overseas would arise. Although we moved to three overseas locations-The Hague, Tokyo and Washington DC, we always thought we would end up back in the UK for the children's secondary education. So we were not making a conscious decision to emigrate but just wanted the experience that life overseas had to offer. The move to Holland was relatively painless as it was not far, most of the Dutch speak perfect English and we could still get the BBC! Having three young children, my life centered around the school and we made friends and contacts fairly easily. Most families we met through the British school were transient like us and so there was a camaraderie and a bond between us from the beginning. We all missed the grandparent network and so filled that gap for each other. We missed our families but stayed with them when we went home for extended lengths of time and we realised thatin fact we probably spent more time with them in a year than we would do if we were living on the other side of London.

Living away for a while does change your perspective on your home country-you miss all the good bits but it is sometimes difficult after a few years to go back and try to pick up where you left off. Some things back home have not changed at all and it is easy to feel restless and frustrated. Friends and family back home sometimes find it hard to relate to your experiences and counter this by showing no interest in your stories. On our return to the UK after three years in Holland we had to navigate the notorious British procedure of buying a house and after one year of being taken for a ride by unscrupulous estate agents, fleeced by solicitors and gazumped twice, we were ready to move overseas again! That year also gave my husband the dubious pleasure of being a commuter: an experience he was more than happy to relinquish when the opportunity arose.

Our second move to Yokohama, Japan in July 1995 was more of a challenge in terms of distance and cultural adjustment. There we were very aware that we were in a foreign country with a language that was totally incomprehensible, at least for the first few months. We could not read road signs and when we got lost in Tokyo often had to ask taxi drivers to lead us to a recognisable landmark! In fact we rarely drove anywhere as public transport was excellent and parking was impossible. Before finalising the purchase of our car, we had to have a policeman round to vouch for the fact that we had space to park it by our house! I bought a moped and used it for all my regular visits to the post office, grocery store etc. There were frustrations with bureaucracy, medical care and house maintenance but on the whole we found the Japanese to be welcoming and considerate. The womens groups I joined were desperately keen to share their customs and traditions and my husband found that to succeed, working relationships with the Japanese are built on mutual trust and respect and that it was very important to be aware of cultural etiquette and manners.

We did feel a long way from home for this period in our lives-the World Service helped keep us in touch with events but newspapers were out of date by the time we received them. No Internet then of course. One of the most unforgettable days for us was the day that Princess Diana died. Because of the time change, we heard the terrible news before the rest of the UK and I recall phoning my mother on the Sunday morning before she knew anything about it. We watched the funeral service on TV and attended a church service locally and I was overcome not with grief per se but at my own emotional meltdown -I suddenly felt so far away from home.

Our last move came in 1999 when we were sent to Washington DC where we still live. We thought we would stay here a couple of years and then return to the UK just in time for my daughter to begin secondary school. However by this time there were no jobs back home that were suitable for my husband's career plan and so we have remained here and our children all attended high school in the USA. I am always asked what I miss about the UK and family and friends aside, these remain pretty constant: the history, the countryside and the pubs. In the last year I have gone back to work and my choice of employment at Folger Shakespeare Library in DC perhaps reflects some deep roots that I treasure and that will always be part of my character. I have always been interested in literature, theatre and Shakespeare but living overseas seems to have turned my interest into a passion and I find that my involvement with sixteenth century England is a way to keep alive a real sense of my cultural identity.

After University

After graduating in 1980 my fiancee, having been through the "milk-round" process, took up his first marketing job with a firm in Yorkshire and once his location was determined, I signed up for a Post Graduate Certificate of Education in a college close by as we were planning to marry the following year. Many of our university friends were on the same timeline and it seemed the norm to be engaged within a year or so after leaving university and marrying at about 23 or 24. Much has changed on that front with marriage being postponed until careers are really established. The choice to have a family later in life has also become more of an acceptable solution, medically and professionally. When we were beginning to consider having children, the age of 35 seemed to be too old whereas today that is really a very acceptable age to start a family.

My choice of teaching as a career turned out to be the best option for us as my fiancee was moved several times in the first few years of his employment. Teaching offered more flexibility than many other careers and I was able to find work each time we moved. After marrying in 1981, we lived in Putney, south London. We had made the decision that it was impossible to really plan two careers at once and as we knew that I would stop work at some stage to raise a family, we agreed to let his career dictate our movements in the early years of our married life.

After six years of working and once we could afford our own home, I had my first child and became a stay at home Mum. I had no hesitiation about this and never regretted this decision. I think my generation was very much on the cusp of the superwoman era-the woman who had a career, had a baby and went back to full time work within a week! Some of my contemporaries chose different paths choosing to return to work after a short while whether for personal or financial reasons but we were a generation that knew what we wanted and I felt no pressure to return to work and my working peers felt no pressure to stay at home: we did what suited our individual circumstances. While our family was young the DINKIES emerged-dual income, no kids. They seemed to have more of a "me first" mentality and their priorities seemed to be rooted in material wellbeing and professional success. I was glad to be out of the workplace where those pressures existed.